Skip to main content

Excitement Roars as Canadians Become Real Americans

Ottawa: Today there is a new attitude in the Canadian Capitol as the people chant: “Yes We Can,” and “Oui, nous pouvons.”


“We wish to show unity with our new leader,” said Dominique Peridot, a Hot-dog vendor at a rally in downtown Ottawa on Saturday. “Yes we can finally be free. Yes we can use real money, not that fake funny-money we’ve been peddling all this time. Yes we can! Yes we can!”

The US Government took over the Canadian Capitol on Wednesday as a result of a bet President Obama won against Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper. According to Canadian Press Secretary Sara MacIntyre, President Obama was depressed last month and drunk dialed Prime Minister Harper, lamenting that the Republicans were going to take over the House of Representatives in the upcoming election. Prime Minister Harper tried to console him by wagering the entire Canadian government; he believed the Republicans were “old news,” he said in a phone interview on Friday, “If it wasn’t for all the Absinthe I’ve been drinking lately, I wouldn’t have made such a frivolous bet; but, I’m sure President Obama will do a great job. And to be honest, I’m quite happy that we will actually be Americans now.”

“I have great hope for the people of Canada and in these exciting and unique moments we can now share our freedom with our northern neighbors.” President Obama said at the rally in Ottawa on Saturday, “I’ll see that each and ever child will have have the education he or she deserves. They will be free from the threat of terrorism, have a genuine opportunity to escape poverty, and most especially, will one day have free medical care.”

The Presidential Cabinet was ecstatic after hearing the news on Wednesday, “We may have lost The House on Tuesday” said White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, “But we got Canada!”

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dark Horse of the Apocalypse

Here I am, my second blog entry. What I have to say, I am not sure, I have so much to say but nothing to talk about. I watched I Am Legend the other day; in spite of video-game type CGI, the film was pretty decent. I cannot say it was memorable, as far as an apocalyptic film goes, it rose just above mediocre. Children of Men is far more entertaining, deep, and plot driven. If one were to spend two hours, the latter would be better time spent, especially considering the production quality. Speaking of the apocalypse, the presidential race is heating up quickly. Apparently, Mike Huckabee has something to offer as a presidential candidate. I did not know the GOP is so interested in perpetuating the Bush foreign policy that they are willing to support a pseudo-clone of the current commander-in-chief our nation so dearly admires. Ron Paul receives little-to-no attention from the media compared to other candidates but he has the money and grass roots attention (including a priva...
Post a Comment
Read more

Bye Bye Mr. Stinky

I was a special education teacher. Matter of fact, I taught Special Education for four-and-a-half years. I taught some non-verbal kiddos how to read, increased the diversity in their diets, taught them games and social skills, and–what I am most proud of–I helped kids out of diapers, who were well past the time to meet that milestone… And let me tell you, that is not always an easy task. It is always a rewarding task. Find the carrot By carrot, I mean the motivation for doing something that is not preferred; for example, if you want to buy a beer, but you have no money, you might help a friend move. Moving is a total garbage activity, but he may pay you and buy you beer; if you know how to negotiate, you will get an unhealthy amount of pizza too. BAM! You had no money; now you have pizza, beer, and money, because you leveraged your time and effort. Potty training is no different. The kiddos usually don't know how to leverage their time and resources to get what t...
Post a Comment
Read more

What matters in online dialogue about religion?

As an Eastern Orthodox Christian, I can't claim I know each person's destiny. Many christians (protestants mainly) would claim they do know this because they have particularly keen insight into what the Bible says or the hearts of their fellow man. Humans have such a short amount of time to understand the experience they are having on this earth; I believe (and this is me here, not any sect or church) that an atheist may believe in God if said atheist were to meet God. And, if said atheist was not always introduced to a God who's followers killed members of other faiths, burned books, pissed on corpses, insulted homosexuals, or violated the religious sensibilities others. Because of this, God would not reject or judge said atheist, but rather, reward the person for having a heart toward truth and kindness: the source of which is the creator of all things! perhaps the atheist is reserving his heart for Christ, remaining chaste, but the people presenting Jesus to him have d...
Post a Comment
Read more